What is the first thing to do if you're attacked?

Break the freeze, and make a decision. The first second is when most people freeze — and freezing is what an attacker counts on. The counter is action of any kind: a loud sound, a step, hands up. But before the technique, two things decide most outcomes — whether you saw it coming (awareness), and whether you commit to a decision (act first when you've read real danger, or react). The specific move depends on the attack.

Should you fight back or comply?

It depends on the goal of the attack — and on whether complying actually buys your safety. 'Comply with a robbery, fight a targeted attack' is a useful starting rule, not a guarantee. In most robberies the person wants property, not you, so handing it over and creating distance is usually the lower-risk choice — things are replaceable. But compliance only helps if it actually ends the threat. The moment it stops being about property — they try to move you, the demands escalate, or your gut says this isn't really about the wallet — the calculus flips, because giving things over doesn't guarantee they'll let you go. For targeted violence (assault, abduction), resist immediately and hard; the earlier the fight, the better your odds, and never comply with being moved to a second location.

What are the best targets to stop an attacker?

Soft tissue, because it works regardless of size: eyes, throat, knee, groin — in that order of reliability. Hits to muscle (chest, arms) almost never stop an attack. This is why size matters less than people think — but only if you're trained to actually find soft targets under adrenaline.

How do you defend against a grab or being pushed?

Don't fight strength with strength. For a grab, break against the weak point of the grip (the thumb and leverage), counter to a soft target, and exit — pulling straight away only tightens it. For a push, keep your base, frame the space, and answer off the shove rather than trying to 'block' it. Both are drilled until they're automatic.

Can you really learn to defend yourself, or is it pointless against a bigger attacker?

You can — and size matters less than most people assume, because real defense runs on leverage, targets, timing, and not freezing, not on muscle. What it requires is repetition: a drilled response takes about three months of consistent training, and real capability is a 6–12 month project. A few moves memorized from a video is the dangerous version — false confidence. Trained reflexes are the real thing.

How to Defend Yourself Against an Attacker

Short answer: defending yourself isn't one move — it's a chain. Every real attack has a phase before it (could you see it coming?), a decision (do you act first or react?), an approach (the response that fits that attack), and an exit. Below, we walk the most common attacks one by one — the push, the grab, the choke, the strike, the rear attack, the weapon — through exactly that lens.

Most "how to defend yourself" lists hand you five disconnected moves. That's not how a real situation works. A real situation is a continuum: awareness, then de-escalation, then a decision, then — if it gets there — the physical, the escape, and the aftermath. The physical part everyone obsesses over is just one link in that chain.

So instead of a move list, here's the honest version: the attacks that actually happen (drawn from the NIJ/CDC data we train from), each walked through the same four steps — the phase before, the decision, the approach, and how we drill it.

Before any technique: awareness and the decision

Two things decide more outcomes than any single move. Awareness — did you read the situation before it became one? It's the cheapest, most effective defense there is, and it's trainable. And the decision — the honest, uncomfortable one: when you've read real danger, do you act first, or do you wait for them to move? Hesitation in that window is what gets people hurt. Every scenario below assumes you've already lost the awareness and de-escalation rounds — because that's when technique actually matters.

1. The push or shove

The most common physical attack against adults (about 1 in 4).

The phase before → A shove is rarely the first thing that happens — it's usually the opener or a test, after someone has closed distance, gotten loud, or pushed a boundary. The shove is them finding out if you're a target.

The decision → This is a boundary moment. If you've read the pressure building, a hard verbal boundary and distance often ends it here. If you've decided the danger is real, controlling distance with your hands up beats waiting to get shoved into a wall.

The approach → You don't 'block' a shove — you keep your base, frame the space between you, and either disengage or answer off the push. Posture and footwork, not a fancy block.

How we drill it → Partner shoves with rising force; you keep your feet, hold the frame, and respond — under noise and movement.

2. The grab (wrist, arm, clothing)

A grab is how someone moves you — to a wall, a car, the ground.

The phase before → A grab is control, not damage. It usually means intent to take you somewhere — which is exactly the second-location danger you never want to comply with.

The decision → A grab is the moment to commit. Pulling straight away tightens it. The decision is to break it and create damage + distance now, not negotiate.

The approach → Break against the weak point of the grip — the thumb and leverage — not strength against strength. Then a short, hard counter to a soft target, then exit.

How we drill it → Grab-break games — single wrist, two-hands-on-one, clothing grabs — first at speed, then with real resistance.

3. The choke (front or rear)

High stakes, short window — women face choking at 2.3× the rate of men.

The phase before → A choke is fast and dangerous — loss of consciousness can come in under 10 seconds. It rarely gives a long warning; it's an ambush, often from someone known.

The decision → There's no 'wait and see' here. The response has to be immediate and reflexive — which is exactly why it gets drilled until it needs no thought.

The approach → Protect the airway, attack the structure — the attacker's base, posture, and balance — strip the hands and counter. Front and rear are different problems; both are trained.

How we drill it → Choke-defense reps until reflexive. (Full breakdown in our choke-defense guide.)

4. The strike (slap or punch)

The second most common physical attack.

The phase before → Strikes come in a storm, not one at a time. The phase before is the squared-up, aggressive posture — the last clean window to de-escalate or pre-empt.

The decision → If it's truly going to happen, the person who moves first with intent usually wins the exchange. Reading that moment honestly — and committing — is the skill most people never train.

The approach → Cover and protect the head, then close or create distance — don't stand in the pocket trading blows — and counter to soft targets. Footwork beats fancy blocks.

How we drill it → Cover-and-counter under pressure, with movement, noise, and a little fatigue so it holds up when adrenaline hits.

5. Grabbed from behind / bear hug

An abduction setup — they're behind you, and they want to move or lift you.

The phase before → Someone behind you means you didn't see them coming — an awareness failure, and a sign their goal is to control and relocate you.

The decision → Drop your weight immediately. The decision is simple and physical: do not be moved, do not be lifted. Anchor and turn — don't get carried.

The approach → Drop your base, create a frame and space, turn into the attacker rather than away, target what's reachable, and escape.

How we drill it → Rear-grab and bear-hug escapes, including against a bigger, stronger partner so you trust it under a real size gap.

6. A weapon is shown (knife)

A weapon changes the priority — and the decision.

The phase before → Context is everything. A weapon shown during a robbery (they want your stuff) is a different problem from a weapon in a targeted attack (they want you).

The decision → Robbery for property → usually give it up and create distance; most robbers want stuff, not you, and things are replaceable. But compliance is not a guarantee of safety — if it stops being about property (they try to move you, it feels personal), the decision flips to committed action and escape. Targeted violence with a weapon → immediate, committed action; freezing is the fatal option.

The approach → Control the weapon line, create damage, create distance. A disarm is a by-product of hitting hard — never the goal. (See our knife-defense guide.)

How we drill it → Weapon-defense scenarios — and honestly, this is the one you cannot learn from an article. It needs reps with a coach.

And then: the escape and the aftermath

Every one of those scenarios ends the same way — not with a knockout, but with getting out and getting to safety (light, people, an open business), and then managing the part nobody trains: the emotional and physical aftermath, because there is one. Adrenaline corrupts memory within hours, so write down what you remember, get to one trusted person, and don't be alone the rest of that day. That's the full continuum — and it's why we train the whole arc, not just the punch. (See also: what to do if you're attacked and the de-escalation framework.)

The honest part

You can read this ten times and still freeze the first time it's real — because reading isn't reps. Every line above is something we drill at SD4ALL against increasing resistance, until the response is a reflex instead of a memory. That's the whole difference between knowing about self-defense and having it.

The fastest way to find out whether it clicks for you is an hour in a real class — push, grab, choke, drilled with a partner. Your first one is free.